caved, depraved

as my ribs depress into my body

i wonder how hard it’ll be to cut them out,

slice them up as if i was a butcher,

until nothing but a frame remains.

i wonder if the number will droop.

i wonder how i will face god

 after i destroy the one beautiful boy he has ever created.

i wonder how i will look in the mirror 

as i slowly destroy the soul 

of the one person i have ever been able to love.

i wonder how he will look as

 he stares over my grave, 

i wonder if he will be sad.

all the times i’ve caused 

tears to erode the beautiful 

skin that wraps his frame.

and the sparks of pain that

changed his name.

i wonder,

lust on lips

desire in his hips

if there was anything to ever break.

when my fears begin to ache 

and my arteries begin to shake 

will he look at my name,

my epithet on my grave,

will he remember the love he gave?